After my dad crossed over,
I started a spi/ritual practice.
.
Every morning upon waking up I would
write my morning pages
meditate for an hour every morning
.
When I was in my spiritual zone
And I would pray to him and for him
.
When I prayed and talked to him
I felt him near me
.
and i journaled every thought that came to mind
and every feeling that I felt.
.
What unfolded was one the most beautiful chapters of my life
.
I became still.
And I felt the pain
and I felt the love
a love that was so vast and deep
timeless and mukltidimensional
This love was infinite
our love
can heal everything
even this pain
grief
remorse and deep regret
it was healing every wound
.
My ability to feel that sadness and love my way out of it.
You gave me a superpower.
I can feel.
I can heal.
I can love everything.
Even your last wish.
Your last choice
changed my whole life.
.
Your last choice
was a wish
.
to bring me closer to my sister.
i had never felt closer to her than the moment she told me
what happened
how you took your life
.
I drew the 3 of swords that morning
three knives pierced through the heart
it was too literal
I thought
but that was the first synchronicity
.
Without his physical form,
I felt his spirit and soul so deeply
.
We began to communicate in a new way
.
He used to be the one talking when he was alive
He rarely listened to me
Now I’m the one talking to him
And he’s fully listening
.
I used to think he was off
Now I know that offness is called neurodivergence
I see so clearly what he passed on to me
.
I have his eyes, his lips
I have his left-handedness,
his dancing feet
I have his heartbeat
it keeps going
and finding its rhythm
on a different spectrum
.
We are in harmony now
.
We are listening closely.
.
I have his unique style
His musicality
His refined tastes
His ability to feel a song so deeply
His obsessions
and addictions
.
I saw what I needed to heal within myself to heal our intergenerational wounds
.
In those long meditations
the veil thinned
the ego disappeared
the truth came through so clearly
It was undeniable
How much we loved each other
When we become formless and infinite again
we will see so clearly
that’s all that matters
.
.
feel the pain
let it bring you the truth