In 2016, I started writing down a list of my wild dreams:
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You become known for your experimental writing and radical intimacy.
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You keep on saying it and seeing it happen..
Even a conversation can change lives..
Just by speaking your truth with another, just by putting your voice out there, you inspire change in the lives of those around you.
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You have the golden touch. Whomever you connect, work and play with, you see them grow and soar.
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You tell your story. It’s a story that inspires others to choose the more interesting choice so we can live the story we want to tell.
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Your openness is a super power. It can dissolve shame and fear and give people the courage to speak their full truth, shadow, shame and all.
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You create virtual and physical safe spaces where people share their stories, dreams and wisdom in he(art)ful ways. And through these spaces, you build a community where people connect and communicate to each other through their stories, dreams, and wisdom. It’s a fruitful network where curious souls meet their mates.
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Your unique path inspires others to find and create their own.
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You write out a utopian sci-fi story set in the near future of 2042 depicting a magical post-shame world where sexwork is decriminalized, normalized and spiritualized. It’s a book, film comic strip, porn, etc…and everything you write becomes true by 2042.
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You raise consciousness in the most unorthodox ways.
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You are part of a movement that eradicates shame and stigma around sex, kink, drugs, the taboo.
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Your presence makes people believe in magic.
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Your home is a sanctuary for your self and others. Your home is a place to create, a place to gather, a place to heal, a place to celebrate, a place to make love, art and magic.
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You help bring back the Power of the Feminine.
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You make spirituality sexy.
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You activate your parked domain perv.org by creating the PERV foundation. It stands for Permanently Evolving Radical Vision. It supports sexworkers, the healing arts and radical education.
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You build a radical community. Every one in this community is open, curious, loving, healing, intimate, radical, evolving, free, and playful.
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You build a sustainable Femmepire and hire your friends. Giving each creative license to work their magic and play.
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All your work feels like play.
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You inspire others to tell their story and collect their family’s oral history. You build a web that can weave the collective story. This is where people learn about the real herstory/history.
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Your parties are mythic portals.
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You play and make magic with your heroes and heroines.
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You make bdsm accessible to all by dispelling its misconceptions and shedding light on its alchemical power.
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Your foundation radicalizes a new kind of life education. it teaches the world how to play, how to love, how to make magic.1(i.e., make dreams come true)
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You create a transgenre, it’s a transmedia blend of art/film/book/game. This metagenre pushes people to get creative not only with content but structure. Every time one creates with the principles of this transgenre, they are transcending old boundaries by creating new structures or of reality..
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You create an immersive reality game. Everyone wants to play it because it’s edgy and boundary-pushing and surprisingly enlightening and life-changing.
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You author multiple books and zines. They’re both inspiring and subversive.
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You create the world’s most intimate and labyrinthine website. It’s intimate because it’s your full story in all the juicy sounds and imagery that you’ve collected in your lifetime told in the most personal and creative way.
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Pervette compels the curious to get intimate with you as they get intimate with themselves so they can get intimate with others. It’s a magical methodology that somehow works when one goes deeper down your rabbithole, they become more open and curious.
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You pour your soul into Pervette and it becomes a portal to connect with other like-minded healers, artists and teachers on a soul level.
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You help create a widening circle of growth and evolution. By teaching the art of fantasy and self exploration, people around you are transformed by this work of seeking and expressing their truth.
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Your meditations allow you to see into possible futures. Ones that you can create with your art and your heart.
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You use social media in a subversive way that unhinges the addiction model it’s based on.
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You inspire people to build their own websites and platforms. To create their own spaces to bare all without fear of deletion, shadow banning and evolving algorithms. 100% freedom. 100% profit. No more working for the invisible man.
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Your art changes the way people think about technology, education, storytelling and what’s possible on the internet.
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You teach the art of kink in a heartful and accessible way. Even self-identified vanilla folks are curious to try out these new flavors.
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You build art temples in unexpected places around the world. They are sanctuaries, places to gather, places to create in, places to celebrate in, places to meditate and honor the divine Feminine in.
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You tell your story, your family’s story, your country’s story. It’s a story about the war, it’s a love story, it’s a fairy tale, it’s a mystery. It’s a choose your own adventure. It’s a story that compels those read it want to choose their own adventure.
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The therapy that you provide for others is different. You don’t work with problems and issues, you work with dreams and desires. And let that be the guide..
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You re/connect with your soulmates. You find that their dream is your dream. So you work together and play for your dreams. Everyone combines their superpower and resources to realize the collective dream where
you heal the world,
you play with the world
you empower the world.
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To be continued..
In 2017, I started writing down what I learned from experience:
You are the author of your story.
Which means you have the power to choose the story you want to tell.
It’s okay if things happen that are beyond your control.
Those unexpected events (crises or whatever you want to call it) are part of the plot.
Even then you still have the creative control to choose what you want to do next.
So whenever you’re stuck and can’t seem to decide what to do
Just ask yourself
What’s the story I want to tell?
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The most powerful thing you can do is to get in touch with your dreams.
Hold on to them and let them guide you.
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Do you recall your childhood fantasies? What did you used to day dream about?
Go back and remember
where your imagination used to take you
Fantasies are prophecies of your possible future..
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Hold tight to your dreams like you would your old stuffed bear. Carry them everywhere with you, love it, take care of it like it’s your baby. Whatever you do, don’t put it away, don’t hide it in the closet. If you did, pull it out quick, and bring it back to life.
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Be the child who doesn’t know what’s right or wrong, good or bad, normal or crazy
Be the child who sees the world as her playground and finds a way to play with everything life has to offer her..
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Be the curious child who keeps seeing the truth and telling it like it is..
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Build your identity, then let life it break down again until you can see beyond your self.
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Your reality is the story you’re telling your self.
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Tell your story like it’s a love story. One that’s a constant mystery to you..
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Life can either be series of finite or infnite games. A finite game has set rules and is a a zero sum game, where another has to lose in order for you to win. The infinite game has no set rules and you’re not playing to win. You’re making and changing the rules as you go to keep the game going and growing. In every situation see if you can play the infinite game.
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The one who can change the most lives with their life story and wisdom helps everyone win.
When you can cry until you laugh,
when you can make fun
of yourself
is when you you can see your self
beyond the veil of your ego
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when you can tell your story
is when you own your story
is when you can see all the choices you can make
is when you become the author
of the story you want to tell
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what’s the point?
the point is at the end
when you look back
you can say, you have no regrets,
you did everything you wanted to do,
you gave all the love you can give,
you created all that you can create,
you changed all that you can change,
you learned as much as you can learn
you faced all that you needed to face
to live out the dream that was always inside you..
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The education of desire is the most important education.
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Conflict ends
at the beginning
of wanting to understand
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Pain, Truth, Power
One leads to the other..
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Seek the truth. You’ll know when you’re getting closer. Your body will show you the way though feelings. When it hurts, when you get the chills, when you are moved to tears, that’s the truth coming out telling you to look more closely at what excites you and what agitates you. Whatever you do, don’t run away from the uncomfortable feelings. Get to know it, like you would a friend. Whatever you do, don’t judge it. Stay open, curious and compassionate.
Love the pain like it’s your greatest teacher. Pain points you to the truth. And all truth points you to your power.
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Tell the truth, even if it hurts you or the other…
It’s the only way to growing deeper and more intimate with yourself, your beloved and the world around you.
It’s the only way to creating a shared reality,
creating a shared reality is the only way to realizing your wildest dreams.
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Just saying it can make it happen.
Miracles come from sharing your dreams. When you make the unknowable knowable to another, when you make the unconscious conscious to yourself. You are weaving a wider web of synchronicities and possibilities, i.e. the space of miracles.
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I repeat. I go back in circles until I see how non linear this is
The path to realizing your dream is the path of seeking and telling your truth
When you miss the point you will repeat yourself, until you get it..
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If there’s something you don’t get or make sense of, something that challenges you, your way of being and seeing, you should probably get to to know that Unknown..
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When it hurts. Go deeper until you see where the pain came. Most often, it’s not a = b, it’s way more complex and connected than you think, it’s your past imperfect, to your present consciousness, to your future potential. See how it’s all interconnected, how what you feel is a web of chain reactions that began from past events, past relationships, it keeps going back to when you were little, to when your parents were little, when you or another didn’t know any better. Keep digging until you see that there is no one person or thing to blame. When you have arrived at the origin of the pain, it will no longer hurt. Pain ends at the beginning of understanding.
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Power is choice.
You lose your power when you think you have no choice.
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If you think that this is how it is, and how it will always be. You lost it.
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To love is to live
to live is to love
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Until someone you love dies
and you are filled with regret
you realize
The fullness of one’s life is simply measured
by how much you love you can give
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fall in love with the whole story of how it all came to be, how you came to see that the truth of what is
Go deeper with the uncomfortable feeling, get to the root. Once you get to know it, it will lose its grip on you. Because once you “get it” you can choose to let it go..
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You can try to hide the truth. But it always has a way of coming out..
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Every time you lie, every time you bend the truth to make it fit into your fantasy or someone’ else’s fantasy of who you think you ought to be
you are giving away your power to a fear. A fear of judgment and rejection. A fear of hurting another or bruising your ego..
Every time you tell the truth, esp when it hurts and shatters an illusion, you are stepping into your power.
Remember power is the ability to create change, and change comes form creating a shared reality..you can’t grow or go far by living a compartmentalized life. When you lie, you are creating fractured “realities” filled with illusions and fantasies that masquerade as “reality.” You are esentially thickening the veil, and quickly losing focus, clairity, and in/sight into you and the potential expansive future.
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Trust in Truth => Shared Reality => Expansive Future
Play the Trust game. Trust everything. Trust that EVERYTHING is happening for a reason. Even the accidents and mistakes. Even the painful and uncomfortable. Everything is happening to show and teach you something. If you ask why is this happening with an open heart and mind, you will see why. Everything is pushing you to the edge of your evolution…don’t forget to say thank you to everything, everyday.. play this game so well until you truly do trust everything.. This is the quickest way to the deep surrender to your desire and to desiring the deep surrender.. this is the way to Grace..
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The key to unlocking yourself is to embody and embrace the paradox of you and life. Keep on transcending the dualistic ego mind by finding a way to love it all, to get off on everything at the same time, pain & pleasure, life & death, masculine & feminine..
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Dance. Dance like a fool. Dance like a siren. Do the wild dance. Do the joy dance. Do the silly dance. Just dance. Dancing is series of continuous motions of throwing your body out of balance to intuitively find your balance without thought. It’s the physical and metaphorical practice of using your body to create poetry with the rhythms of life.
Dancing is one of the quickest state changes.
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Learn how to state change. Shift a mood from negative to positive, fast to slow, serious to silly. Find the ways to state change: improve, bdsm, dance, meditate, walk, sing, look at something cute/beautiful/inspiring, talk to someone,
Learn how to create pattern disruptors.
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If you’re a night owl, try waking up early. If you’re frugal, start spending more money and treat yourself to things you typically wouldn’t. If you’re a people pleaser, start telling people how you feel and what you want even if it’s not what they want to hear. Basically, do the opposite of what you tend to do. This is how you widen the range of your experiences and not limit yourself to what you (or others) think you are.
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When we compare the older generations to the current, we can clearly see that we are evolving. There is less rigidity, less duality and less judgment, and more fluidity, openness, and acceptance.
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if you have modest dreams, you will live a modest life. If you have epic dreams, and are in touch with them, you can create an epic life.
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What are big dreams? It’s not big money, big houses, and more luxury goods. Big dreams are the dreams that have the power to change many lives. The bigger your dreams, the bigger its potential to change lives on a wider scale.
When you dream big, the material resources (money) are a by product to your spiritual goal. It will effortlessly flow in as a means to help you reach your goal.
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If you have a crazy dream, you have to allow yourself to go crazy to chase it. Others will think you are crazy. and you might think you are too.
But remember, crazy people are just people who can see things most people can’t see. They see a future where they’re not called crazy anymore..
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When you dissolve your ego, you hone your intuition. Because you are no longer guided by what others think, you are following your internal compass of what feels right.
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The moment you judge something or someone, you create a separation between yourself and what you judge.
Judgment is the antidote to understanding.
When you judge, you limit yourself from understanding and connecting with what you judge.
All your judgments can essentially define your limits of who you think you are and what you can be and get to know.
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If you want the love of your dreams, you have to love like you would in your dreams, love fearlessly.
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If you admire someone, reach out to them, be the fool, risk rejection.
In moments of uncertainty, just ask yourself
What’s the story you want to tell?
Do you want to say..
You didn’t do it because you played it cool and safe.
Or do you want to say, you went for it, you put yourself out there, just to see what would happen.
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Soulmates exist. Yes they’re your fantasies, but fantasies are prophesies of a possible future.
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Here’s a theory, everyone in your life is a soulmate. The more you do the work on self to know yourself, the more you’ll be able to see the soulmates for who they are.
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If you want to find your “soulmate,” you have to do the work on self to be ready for them when they come into your orbit.
What if every thing you do was out of love?
That means no more acting out of fear.
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We are always in pursuit of power. Our power. Every choice is governed by this desire.
Oftentimes it’s unconscious
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When we don’t clearly define what power means to us.
We look for it in all the wrong places. Outside of us.
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But when we begin to consciously define what power is, we realize it’s all from within. We can then consciously find that power with every choice that we make and catch ourselves when we lose our way..
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Every choice that is aligned with the truth of who you are and your active search for and expression of it is a powerful choice.
When you act out of fear, your world grows smaller.
When you act out of love, your world grows larger.
How big and expansive your world is connected to how big your heart is.
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If you love it out, every fear, every insecurity, every painful moment, you will develop the most incredible superpower, an open heart.
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To work on yourself and heal all your wounds is to heal all the intergenerational trauma of your lineage.
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When you tell your story and share your dreams, you begin the alchemical process of linking your past to your future, making the most powerful choices of the the present moment very clear to you.
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BDSM is the act of getting out of your head and into your body. When there is no room for what you think, there’s ample space to feel your way, to feel everything, and find the pleasure and bliss in all of it.
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The wise self is embodied. If you turn off your mind and tune into your body, you don’t need to think about what to do next. You just feel your way. That’s the practice of honing your intuition.
A bdsm session, a dance, improv, poetry, whatever it is, do the practice of following your intuition and finding your flow.
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How do you feel? What do you want? Practice asking yourself that everyday. Soon enough it will lead you to the point.
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What happens when you drop the ego is what happens when you lift the veil.
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If you can love unconditionally yourself, your beloved, your family, the world, you are complete.
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When you get clear on your innermost desire, you’ll begin to learn the invisible language of reading into the signs. These signs/synchronicities will appear more often than you think, prompting you to make the more interesting choice that brings you closer to your dream.
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The size of your dream is connected to the depth of the work you will have to do on self to achieve it. If you have a big dream of creating impact on the world, you have to be prepared to do the deepest work on self…the bigger the dream, the deeper the work.
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When you do the work on self, and change and grow, beyond your self, you become the clear existence proof that change is possible, for your self and the world around you. Your conviction in your wild dream grows and you grow.
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The work on self is getting to know yourself. When you explore your feelings, desires and boundaries, you are getting intimate with every corner and shadow of your self. Explore the uncomfortable, the painful, the fearful and tearful parts, until you see why, how, when and where it all began. This is the deep work of getting intimate with your self and learning to love all of your self. And once you can see, understand and love all of your self for who you are, you will have unblocked and unlocked your greatest super power, your unconditional self-love and compassion.
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You can only trust yourself
if you love yourself
You can only love yourself
if you know yourself
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The depth and intimacy of ALL your relationships hinge on the depth of your intimacy with yourself…
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Note to people pleasers:
You can’t fully love and take care of another until you learn how to fully love and take care of yourself.
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If you think that this is how it is, then you don’t see the choice, when you don’t see the choice, you don’t see your power.
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The Dom(me) is sub conscious
The sub is self-conscious
Whoever can get out of their head
and be more conscious of the world
outside of themsleves
has the greater power
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Connecting your story to your dream allows you to see the bigger picture. The bigger picture is your map in your journey, when you find the clues and connect the dots between story and dream, you find your personal wisdom that guides you to your way.
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If you’re looking for the love of your life, then learn to love your life, love every part of yourself, until you are whole and there are no voids or holes to be filled by another. When you’re solid, centered and holding still, everything will come to you.
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