Dear You,
If you feel the call to ask for help
Feel free to reach out
I’m happy to offer my advice
Just know that
All advice is autobiographical..
xo
Colette
~
[Please note that this is continually a work in progress]
Dear Colette,
My twin flame and I are both deep in our Saturn return. We have both been doing an enormous amount of work on ourselves in the last year together to create a beautiful and conscious relationship. Things were really great..and then all of a sudden, he has 180-ed on me, and I feel like I have lost my partner, our life, and the connection we have been building. While trying to hold grace and space for his growth, I am feeling really abandoned, betrayed, and heartbroken. How can I both honor him and myself in this time? How do I know when it’s time to walk away?
Heartbroken & Confused
~
Dear Heartbroken & Confused,
I know your pain and confusion. And how hard it is to hold it together and move forward when it feels like there’s no sturdy ground to which you can anchor yourself. And sometimes it feels like the dark days, tear falls and clouds of confusion will never end. I’ve been through the relationship rollercoaster with my twin flame in my Saturn return as well. It’s a very distinct crazy-making pain. The pain that knows how amazing it can be when everything and everyone is in harmony.1Experiencing that ecstatic union is actaully what’s keeping you longer this relationship. It’s as though you’re willing to endure this pain bc you know how good it can be. It’s also the pain that can sense its own depth and knows that it hurts this bad because of how much you love.
.
I promise you this: This Saturn return and this painful time will pass. And it will pass when you move through it with a deep awareness of your choices and everyday you can see that you are making a conscious choice.
.
As you know, you have a choice:
A) You can choose to stay in the relationship and keep working on it as you work on yourself.
B) You can choose to give yourself space from the relationship via separation or breakup and grow in that space that comes from the breakup.
.
I’m not gonna tell you what to do. Rather I’ll share with you what I see as the “why” behind each choice. And I hope that you choose the one that has the most resonant reason.
Let’s walk through both choices:
Say you choose A and you stay in the relationship. If you choose to stay, I hope it’s for all the right reasons. Before we get into the right reasons. Let’s list the wrong reasons.
Don’t stay because you think you’ve already invested so much in the relationship, therefore you must keep going or else everything that you put into the relationship was a waste. Aka cost sunk fallacy.
Don’t stay because you don’t want to let people down. Or you’re afaird of what people would think.
Don’t stay because you don’t want to hurt your partner’s feelings or bruise their ego.
Don’t stay because you’re afraid of having the difficult breakup conversation.
Basically do not stay in the relationship out of fear. If you’re staying because you’re afraid of the uncomfortable breakup and the uncomfortable unknown that follows, know that you’re just prolonging the inevitable (breakup). Don’t wait for the easy exit because there is no easy way out.
Voice your needs and if your partner can’t meet your needs, then break up.
~
Another way to look at it:
How do you know when to walk away from a relationship?
When the growing has stopped.
~
Here are the right reasons to stay:
Your partner is willing to change and grow
and so are you.
You can see and feel that you are growing in this relationship, even right now through this painful period.
That whatever is triggering and unraveling you is something that you should be exploring, examining and expressing: like your insecurities, old wounds, abandonment issues, etc.
Because if you don’t address these issues, they will always come up in every relationship.
And the best way to move through these tumultuous times is to make the most of it. Grow as hard and fast as you can. If you can allow the pain to push you to the cutting edge of your evolution, you will be more powerful and integrated because of it.
And paradoxically, it’s in the moments when you can slow down, quiet your mind and take care of yourself (esp. your child self) that you’re doing the most work rapid healing and transformative work.
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Every relationship is different so I can’t assume that has what worked for me will work for you. But I will offer you the advice that I wish I had when I was moving through my twin flame / saturn return / dark night of the soul year. So please take only what resonates with you.
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When you’re moving through your hardest days, and you think you’re about to lose it, your mind, your heart, your hope.
See if you can..
Take care of yourself, even harder. Take all that pain you feel and channel it to become your own healer, mother, and sage. Pour more love, energy, care, patience and compassion towards yourself, more than you ever have. Give your wounded self everything she needs to be whole again. And see all of this as an opportunity to see yourself more fully and to love all of your self more fully.
Meditate to see more clearly.. to see the network of cause and effect and experience the bliss of blamelessness.
see if you can quiet any judgment of the fucked up situation and accept the present with all of its hidden gifts
Pray.. ask for help from your guiding circle
Take care of your child self.. ask her how she feels and what does she want
Talk it out with someone who can offer you a larger or transcendent perspective.. a trusted friend, mentor or therapist.
Envision your highest self, see her standing tall, poised and with the warmest smile. Know that this is why you’re doing the work, to embody her and be her, the highest version of yourself who is filled with of grace and compassion
Remember that the you of today is taking something on that the you of yesterday couldn’t possibly even imagine and handle.
Trust that everything that you’ve experienced, learned and cultivated has prepared you for this moment, this test, this true marker of progress. When you respond not in your old ways of judgment and reactivity but with newfound love and deep understanding of yourself and the world around you.
You gotta breakdown to breakthrough, you breakdown to breakthrough. Allow yourself to break down and through over and over again. This is what it means to be at the cutting edge of your evolution.
Yes it’s a test. A test of your power. Your love. A test of everything you got.
Love your way out…
Radical rage to radical love. See if you can feel into all of it, express this arc
from one lifetime to one chapter to one breath.
.
When you fall
See how fast you can
feel all of the emotions
pick yourself up
let the pain subside
and heal its wounds
.
How fast you can turn it all around
from fall to rise
is indicative
of
your growth
your progress
.
Make the most of the pain. Alchemize it into your power.. by exploring, examining and expressing the painful truths.. until you own and love your story
.
You dreamed an epic dream, you dared to live an epic life. You accept the epic plot twists. And trust that it’s all leading you to your wildest dream coming true
Plot twists are essential to your epic story.
.
You dreamt a wild dream.
You dreamt of transformation
.
You are transforming
You’re turning into caterpillar mush
you’re dissolving your old self and structure
in order to evolve into the higher version of you that
can reach new heights effortlessly
you have to grow wings
accpet the tower card moments
accept the dissolving of old structures
the cocooning
the hermiting
.
your time to rise will come
.
.
Whenever you feel lost
Hold the vision of your highest self
Let your compassion be your compass.
Feel everything to feel more deeply
Then feel into your love
Follow your passion,
your pleasure,
your why
align your will
with that of the universe
choose love, choose truth, choose trust
when you do
you will be guided
you
will
dream
bigger.
you
your will
your dream
will become an unstoppable force
.
To be continued..
I’m shifting gears to my other passion project